（第一季第五集，The Writing On The Wall，大白天下）
Jim: Yes, don’t the Foreign Office realise the damage to the European idea?
Humphrey: Well, I’m sure they do. That’s why they support it.
Jim: Well, sure, the Foreign Office is pro-Europe, isn’t it?
Humphrey: Yes and no…if you’ll forgive the expression. The Foreign Office is pro-Europe, because it is really anti-Europe.The Civil Service was united in its desire to make sure that the Common Market didn’t work. That’s why we went into it.
Jim: What are you talking about?
Humphrey: Minister, Britain has had the same foreign policy objective for at least 500 years: to create a disunited Europe. In that cause we have fought with the Dutch against the Spanish, with the Germans against the French, with the French and Italians against the Germans, and with the French against the Germans and Italians. Divide and rule, you see. Why should we change now when it’s worked well?
Jim: That’s all ancient history, surely.
Humphrey: Yes, and current policy. We had to break the whole thing [the EEC] up, so we had to get inside. We tried to break it up from the outside, but that wouldn’t work. Now that we’re inside, we can make a complete pig’s breakfast of the whole thing: set the Germans against the French, the French against the Italians, the Italians against the Dutch. The Foreign Office is terribly pleased, it’s just like old times.
Jim: Surely we’re all committed to the European ideal.
Humphrey: Really, Minister.
Jim: If not, why are we pressing for an increase in the membership?
Humphrey: Well, for the same reason, it’s just like the United Nations in fact. The more members it has, the more arguments it can stir up, the more futileand impotent it becomes.
Jim: What appalling cynicism.
Humphrey: Yes. We call it diplomacy, Minister.
（第二季第五集，The Devil You Know，两害相权）
Humphrey: Well Minister, I’m afraid that is the penalty we have to pay for trying to pretend that we’re Europeans. Believe me, I fully understand your hostility to Europe.
Jim: I’m not like you, Humphrey. I’m pro-Europe,and just anti-Brussels. I sometimes think you’re anti-Europe and pro-Brussels.
Humphrey: Oh Minister, I’m neither pro nor anti anything. I’m merely a humble vessel into which Ministers pour the fruits of their deliberations. But it could well be argued that, given the absurdity of the whole European idea, Brussels is in fact doing its best to defend the indefensible and make the unworkable work.
Jim: That is simply not true, Humphrey. I don’t want to sound pompous, but the European ideal is our best hope of avoiding narrow national self-interest.
Humphrey: It doesn’t sound pompous, Minister.
Humphrey: Merely inaccurate.
Jim: Listen, Humble Vessel. Europe is a community of nations, dedicated towards one goal… May we share the joke, Humphrey?
Humphrey: Oh Minister, let’s look at this objectively. It’s a game played for national interests, it always was. Why do you suppose we went into it?
Jim: To strengthen the brotherhood of Free Western nations.
Humphrey: Oh really. We went in to screw the French by splitting them off from the Germans.
Jim: So why did the French go into it then?
Humphrey: Well, to protect their inefficient farmers from commercial competition.
Jim: That certainly doesn’t apply to the Germans.
Humphrey: No no, they went in to cleanse themselves of genocide and apply for readmission to the human race.
Jim: I never heard such appalling cynicism. At least the small nations didn’t go into it for selfish reasons.
Humphrey: Oh really? Luxembourg is in it for the perks; the capital of the EEC, all that foreign money pouring in.
Jim: Very sensible central location.
Humphrey: With the administration in Brussels and the Parliament in Strasbourg? Minister,it’s like having the House of Commons in Swindon and the Civil Service in Kettering.
Jim: If this were true, why would the other nations have been trying to get in?
Humphrey: Such as?
Jim: Well, take the Greeks.
Humphrey: Actually, I find it difficult to take the Greeks. Openminded as I am about foreigners, as you both well know. But what will they want out of it? – an olive mountain and a retsina lake.
Jim: I just don't accept any of these!
Humphrey: Oh, I'm so sorry, Minister, I suppose some of your best friends are Greeks?
Jim: Very droll. The trouble with Brussels is not internationalism. It means too much bureaucracy.
Humphrey: But the bureaucracy is a consequence of the internationalism. Why else would there be an English Commissioner with a French Director-General immediately below him, and an Italian Chef-du-Division reporting to the Frenchman and so on down the line?
Jim: Oh, I agree.
Humphrey: It is like the Tower of Babel.
Jim: I agree.
Humphrey: No, it's even worse, it is like the United Nations.
Jim: I agree.
Bernard: Then perhaps, if I may interject, you are in fact in agreement.
Jim&Humphrey: No we're not!
Jim: Brussels is a shambles. You know what they say about the average Common Market official: he has the organizing ability of the Italians, the flexibility of the Germans, and the modesty of the French. And that's topped up by the imagination of the Balgians, the generosity of the Dutch and the intelligence of the Irish. It's all a greatly gravy train.
Humphrey: What do you mean?
Jim: They live on champagne and caviar, air-conditioned Mercedes, private aeroplanes. Every one of those officials has got his snout in the trough. Most of them have got their two front trotters in as well.
Humphrey: Oh Minister, I beg to differ. Brussels is full of busy hard-working public servants who have to endure a lot of exhausting travel and tedious entertainment.
Jim: Oh terribly tedious, working their way through all that smoked salmon, forcing back all that champagne.